In March 2006, I finally made the decision to leave my daughter’s father. There wasn’t any tire-slashing, fighting, cursing or Mary J. Blige cd playing while I bawled my eyes out and gave him a gazillion reasons why I was leaving. I simply left without a word. I was done- mentally and physically. So it’s been about 2 years since I have had a relationship. Wow- doesn’t seem like it’s been that long until you write it…lol So an analysis of my dating life and a discussion that took place this past Sunday with guy that I know and respect brought me here. As a single, devoted mother, I am always doing some various activity with my 6-years old which is fine by me because she is a cool lil girl to be around. Well this certain person posed a question to me, “Am I always with her and do I take any “me” time? He then went on to say, that men, especially single men with no dependents, would perceive me to be an overbearing mom. You’ve seen those types- the moms that overdo everything for their kids, like……..”Oh honey, I made you a sandwich and I cut in little hearts for you!” or “Baby, are you getting enough air? Here let me breathe for you!” So hearing this question made me wonder, “Am I like that?” Now when I say that I love my baby girl, she is my air but it isn’t that obsessive love like I have to smell her clothes and sleep with her blankie when she is gone but she is my heart- de verdad!
And that’s not us in the picture…lol My first reaction was irritation to put it mildly because I thought to myself, ” What man wouldn’t want to see a woman being nurturing and loving?” Wouldn’t he think I would be that way to him, also? I had to think about the many men that are single WITHOUT children. They wouldn’t know this feeling of exuberation when I look into my daughter’s eyes or see her smile……..So I realized that single men fall into the following categories:
THE CAPTAIN SAVE-A-HOE
This pathetic schmuck thinks he can work his way to the kitty by buying the child some high-priced sneakers, outfit, or a trip to Chuck E. Cheese. These types usually go for the mami with one or multiple children (usually multiple) and she is usually a chick from around the way. This mother usually equates love and nurturing with possessions rather than actually taking a minute to actually TALK to her seeds but ok, let’s get back to him! From jump, he is Daddy Warbucks throwing the money bait to the unsuspecting prey. He will tell you how he loves kids even if he doesn’t have any…..what the hell? Ladies, when you meet this type, there are 3 questions that should pop into your head.
1. Is this clown a pedophile?
2. What makes you and your child sooooooo special that he wants to just make all of your dreams come true?
3.If he has children, how does he treat and take care of his own?
Yeah he might seem to take on the “burden” of buying shoes, clothes, and other basic needs that Lil Johnny needs but is it really worth selling your soul and your ass so Johnny can have some new Jordan’s and an Avirex jacket? I don’t think so. Many dudes use this tactic because these dumb ass broads have put their children’s and their own values in their coochies instead of keeping that tight so most dudes will just trick off (yes ladies and gents, that’s what it is) a couple of bucks to get the ass and since the guy didn’t directly ask to bone—-ladies feel like he was sooooooooooo nice that, ” I should just give him some because he is handling his business.” He is handling your box and when he’s done, he is going to discard you and Lil Johnny…….and to think you had your seed around this idiot…..tsk tsk tsk *smh*
Next we have….
MR. I DON’T SEE YOUR KID THEREFORE SHE DOESN’T EXIST
In this day and age of FWB (Friends with Benefits), this type of guy looks for that single mami that just wants to do her . He is the dude that doesn’t give a shyt about your kid or his/her needs. He just wants to bone and he disguises it as I just wanna get to know you. The mother that usually gets with this type has just gotten out of a serious relationship or has just lowered her standards to become a jump off because she doesn’t want to be emotionally attached to anyone (which usually doesn’t work). So you are with Mr. Dazzling Debonair and he never asks about your child although that child makes up part of the person that you are. He says he wants to get to know you though…..Well isn’t your child an extension of you? He will do the typical blow off when you mention something as small as, ” Susie got an A in math.” but if you said your dog was sick, he would be like, “Oh what’s wrong?” lmao Yeah this dude is a trip because while Susie is watching “Dora the Explorer” on the floor of her bedroom, he is exploring the insides of your lovebox with his map in your room…lmao Hold up, heffa- that’s not a good look on your part but we know that there are broads that do it all the time! He will act like your kid doesn’t exist. Do you REALLY want that?
LET’S GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER
I know that you are thinking that this is the same guy as above but believe me, IT’S NOT! This is the guy that you hope to find……He will take a genuine interest in you and what comes with you including your child/children. He is a good guy but doesn’t have experience with dating women with children or has limited experience in that dating realm. It’s not to say that he isn’t interested in that part of your life- there is just an order of operations and the child should be not be the first part of that order. I’m not saying don’t mention your child…That’s idiotic. If you have children, that should be the first thing you mention after your name. Who wants a broad that would fail to mention that she has children? It’s not like you failed to mention that you wore a padded bra or a weave, this is your child for Christ’s sake! What the hell is wrong with you? This is the guy that will actually TRY to get to know about you and may or may not have sex on the brain. He is usually understated and would go unnoticed in a crowd but that’s cool because you don’t need distractions as you try to get to know this type. He is a great listener, inquisitive, and open-minded. If you aren’t on that b.s., this would be the guy to get to know.
Which leads me back to my conversation with my guy friend……
I know that many men may look at a single mother that is affectionate and think, “Oh she is waaay to loving with that child and I’m not gonna try to get with that. She wouldn’t have time for me.” This is understandable, to a certain degree and it is a valid concern. However, if you write a woman off because of what you are viewing or perceiving before you actually take the time to SEE if she is really like that then you may be actually missing out on a good thing! A REAL woman has many faces. She is a mother, a friend, a lover, a confidante, a nurturer, and a freak! lol See how she responds when you offer her a weekend getaway, take her to a cool concert or a romantic evening with just the two of you. You might find that you’ve got a keeper! If she continously turns you down, THEN give her ass the bota!
May 9th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
While I’m clearly for women being supportive of their kids, you fail to see the single guy’s perspective, which I’ll blog very soon
The single guys, who is actually doing something in life and doesn’t have kids, has to be well understood. He might be one the categories, or all of them and more, that you described, but most importantly HE DOES NOT HAVE HIS OWN KIDS AND YOURS SURELY ISN’T HIS! that’s not to say he doesnt’ care about yours, but it’s not his kid, he owes you nothing to be thinking about your kid. Women expect a guy to just come along and KNOW how to be around kids, mind you he doesn’t have any, so it’s actually the mothers who are writing him off quicker, because she figures he won’t understand and place him in the categories. Now it’s who came first, chicken or the egg scenario. So in short, key point to remember: that’s not his kid, many women do nothing to show this guy extra special thanks for taking on you and your baggage, women don’t do any helping of easing him into that type of scenario with her kid, and if it came to disciplining that child the woman won’t let that guy discipline HER child. With today’s women talking this “I’m so independent, I don’t need a man” garbage, it’s no wonder dudes just want to FWB chicks with babies. Most times you’re picking up a woman who’s an unfinished/unstable project, now you have her kid on top of that? And if you get serious, you have to pick up the tab for her boning some idiot dude and not being responsible just banging 3 or 4 dudes after the club lets out? Most guys don’t want to be left holding the bag for her having her fast times with other dudes, and that means he has to kick in for her daughter’s college fund, or hospital bills, etc. You’re getting shortchanged seriously, in the minds of many dudes who have it going on, and to them, THAT is being a captain save a hoe!
May 9th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
First let’s take into consideration that we are talking about women and not the garbage that’s running around calling themselves women. So now that we have that out of the way, I do understand that single men that don’t have children and don’t have to deal with them should be given some slack. I don’t expect a guy that’s unfamiliar with my family dynamic to come in and pick up the slack for her father. Just like I don’t expect him to think that I am looking for a husband and a man to fill my empty bed and space. Lol I’m not a serial dater so I’m not about to run through a gang of dudes until someone accepts my daughter and I.I am ok with getting to know someone and easing them into the daughter aspect of my life but that would be well talked about before she ever came into play.I don’t wanna make anyone feel like they are imposing on me or vice versa. It is a learning process for the both of us. I haven’t had a serious relationship since my daughter’s father so the next man that I am with will have to take on a lot. If he chooses not to, I will understand but my intentions will be clearly spelled out from jump. There won’t be any assumptions so we would- both- be clear on where we were headed. Because her father isn’t in her life, the man that takes that responsibility on will have my gratitude and my dedication! That’s real talk!